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Dogs Diary
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary
8:00 am Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since
it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
Condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am,
Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that
my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost
successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving
around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --
but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners
here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He
is regularly released -and seems to be more than willing to return. He
is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe
him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports
my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in
an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now.......
